boops

A Friendly Reminder

This weekend I was reminded that October is Breast Cancer Awareness Month. I did my self-exam and there is a spot of ow on my left breasticle. Now, this isn't the first time I've felt a disturbance in my Force. About two years ago I found a lump. It was tender and roughly the size and texture of the average grape. My doctor, she felt around and zeroed in on the spot. She ordered the mammogram, and after a month of waiting, I got my boops smooshed for science.The lump turned out to be nothing more than some dense breast tissue, but for the month between finding the lump and the mammogram, I was more than a little worried. So, now that lefty has another anomaly we'll be monitoring my ta-tas. I suggest you do the same. Not mine, obviously, but yours. If you have them. Gah! Anyway, the point is, you need to do a self-exam. Regularly. You have to get to know the topography of your own glorious tracks of land before you can sense if there might be something rotten in Denmark. Have a glass of wine, feel yourself up and make sure you and your boops have a nice long life together.

It's important. YOU are important.

Equations

So, last Monday I found a lump in my breast. I went to the doctor 2 days later and got a referral for a mammogram and ultrasound. Unfortunately, these tests have to wait until December 2 (grr). Now, this lump isn't just some uncomfortable bit of flesh in my (as Bri so aptly puts it) "titty meat", it is a painful orb of SUCK! Guh! For nearly two weeks my boob has been constantly radiating with ow. Wearing a bra just compounds the experience. So, whilst at home, I roam free and wild, the way Janis Joplin intended. However, when around others, I try to keep the bra on so that it is not abundantly clear to everyone in Phoenix that I am a wuss who would die if I lived in the midwest again. Yeah, I've been so cold lately that my nipples could cut glass. I try to respect my fellow humans by putting the girls in their sling, but Jesus-My-Gardener, that fucking hurts, too!

So, I have a proclamation.  From this day forth, if you see me in public, in your home or in mine, the likelihood that I am wearing a bra will be approximately 1%.

See below.

Lump in boob = pain
Lump in boob + bra = pain(2)
Cold weather - bra = Glasscutting nipples + slight embarassment = me blushing
Me blushing + lump in boob  < pain(2)

ergo Lump in boob + cold - bra = acceptable levels of pain and humiliation.

Yeah, it's not worth all the ouchfulness to strap on the C-cupholder.

Thus ends my PSA.

LOVE!

EDITED 11/30 TO ADD: So, I got a phone call yesterday from the imaging center. When I made the appointment 20 days ago, apparently, the douche running the phones didn't realize that there would not be a radiologist on site on 12/2. Therefore, an entire day of patients were scheduled and had to be juggled around to make up for his error. I have to wait 2 more weeks. Dammit.