In other news, most of the country changed for Daylight Savings Time. I live in Arizona where we scoff at this tradition. However, my husband's work schedule has to change to match up with his callers' new schedule. He's getting up earlier, but also getting home earlier, so that's a silver lining.
OH! Yesterday, we went into Bookman's with trade credit burning a hole in our collective purse. The kiddo got 7 new Magic School Bus books to go on her already sagging shelves, he hubbins got a video game or two and I got 5 new (to me) Charlaine Harris books. I now have most of the Sookie Stackhouse books, muahahahahah. Yes, I think these books are crack. I heart them. And since I won't have any NEW HARRY DRESDEN *glares at Jim Butcher* until July, I've got to entertain myself somehow.
It's a busy little world here in my home. This weekend Sean and I will celebrate our 1st wedding anniversary. (Even though we've been together for more than 6 years and have a child together, we waited for a bit to actually make it legal.) How are we celebrating? Well, funny you should ask. As a matter of fact, we're going to a wedding. Some dear friends of ours are tying the knot on Sunday and our daughter is one of the flower girls. Some people may want dinner or some extravagant date.... me? I can't think of a better way to celebrate the day we made this commitment than to witness good friends (one of whom signed our wedding certificate because she was there the day Sean and I became Sean and I back in 2005!) do the same. And there's going to be yummy food and all of our friends. What more could a girl want?
So yeah... wedding anniversary this weekend... birthday coming up in a couple of weeks. I keep telling myself that 31 is the new 21 but, who are we kidding. I've got silver (SILVER!) in my hair and a bad back... I'm not 21 anymore. Next month another couple is getting married and with that ceremony comes a wave of out of town guests. I'm thrilled to be hosting my longtime friend Bri when I'm not the one trying to wrangle nuptials into being. (It's been a year, dammit, I miss him!) My alma mater, ISU is going to the NCAA tournament. GO TREES! Book is still on submission, getting feedback from betas on the novella, writing flash... yeah... this is my life right now.
Okay, bloggy time is over. Time to go play tic-tac-toe with a very insistent kidlet.
So I've been thinking about this A LOT lately with the wedding getting closer and all the reflection I've been doing. I've been thinking about the worst thing someone has ever said to me.
Now, I know you're probably thinking it was that time that I was in the crapeteria with Jesse and Straight Arrow and Carrie walked by wearing the same outfit I was wearing. Straight Arrow looked right at me and said, "oh, jamie, that's how your outfit is SUPPOSED to look".
That is NOT in fact the worst thing someone has said to me. Nor is it any of the hilarious one-liners that can be pulled from my dating experiences.
No, the worst thing someone has ever said to me is a toss up between two things.
Thing The First: "You should know better than anyone that connection like that doesn't happen over night. These people you think you've connected with? They just want something. Everyone wants something from everyone else. That's all there is." - OZ * Thing The Second: "Oh, Jamie, you're never going to get married." - Sunshine *
*names changed to protect the guilty from themselves.
Now, each of these has A TON of context that is missing, and that context is what makes the decision difficult. Both of these things were said to me at a very transitional part of my life. I had decided to move from Indiana to Arizona based on one weekend in Phoenix with my Bee People. I had never met them before, had only spoken with 2 of them online/phone ...but within one weekend, I felt at peace and at home. So, after hearing that my audition for the Blue Man Group didn't pan out (no problem) I decided that it was time to hit the trail to the desert.
THING THE FIRST was said to me the week before I moved along with some other choice vittles. "You're just running away. Your problems will still be there." All sorts of sanctimonious blatherings about how he was right and I was wrong, just a kid, blah blah blah.
What really made those things hard to hear was the source. He was someone I respected, someone I thought understood me. Before that conversation I thought that of anyone he would be able to grok why I had to get the fuck out of Terre Haute, Indiana and get on with living life. Sadly, he proved to be stuck in the rut of age, caught up in all the trappings of living a life he wasn't pleased with. Thanks to that conversation, I saw that OZ was just a sad old man behind the curtain.
THING THE SECOND ... wow... Okay, so this requires a little backstory for you to get the full impact of the experience.
Sunshine and I had grown up together. We met in junior high and had at least one class with one another all the way up through our last years of college. From the time I met her she was really preoccupied with the whole idea that women's lives follow the path of "get married- have babies - live happily ever after- the end". I think Sunshine's engagements numbered 5 (counting the guy she married).
So, one day, we're sitting around having a talk... Sunshine and three of our male friends (two of whom are gay)... and after a lovely conversation where gays/bisexuals were repeatedly referred to as "those people" (bad form when there 75% of those involved in said conversation are "those people")... Sunshine asked me why I was moving to Phoenix. Did I really expect to find greener grass? Why Phoenix? (She was convinced I was moving for a man.) So I explained, "I just need to be there. It feels right."
"But what if it's not?" she said. "What if what you're looking for isn't there, either?" "Then I keep looking for it," I said. (Simple enough, I think.) "Are you serious? You can just pick up and let the wind blow you where it will!" "Why not?" "Because! That kind of rootless existence is no way to live!" "I'm okay with rootless if I eventually find home." She just looked at me. And the look was pure pity, brow furrowed, eyes sparkling pity. "Oh, Jamie," she said, "you're never going to get married."
And it was as if that was the worst thing in the world she could fathom. "Maybe I won't," I said. "I'm okay with that, too. My point A and point Z don't equal yours, Sunshine."
Now, with the 20-20 hindsight of 5 1/2 years gone by since those conversations, I can stick out my tongue and say that I was right. My home is here and these people wanted nothing more than me. My life has flourished here.
And I'm getting married in less than 2 months. NYAH!
But seriously, what makes these two things the Worst Things Anyone Has Ever Said To Me is the underlying conditioning that lies beneath, the sentiment itself. Both are so negative! One of them reeks of distrust and bitterness while the other is perfumed with this fairy tale bullshit we've been told we want out of life. One of them expects the worst out of fellow human beings while the other believes that the worst thing that can befall a woman is spinsterhood.
Both of them are so sad.
Both of them are not how I want to live.
So, as some of you know, I'm getting married this year. Saturday, March 20 to be exact. When Sean and I got engaged in May of '09 it was one of those "it's about freaking time!" things as we've been together for 5 years, have a child...etc. And, at the initial "we're engaged!" phase, we did some broad discussing about wedding stuff. Then in June, we really started getting into planning. We nailed down our bakery for the cake, we got a florist and a venue. (We're getting married at the Phoenix Zoo and it's going to rock!) Then, we went into a radio silence of sorts. No planning or talking about the wedding until like... you know, last month. Then, this week happened.
Sunday we purchased our invitations. I made a spreadsheet for guest list tracking, started compiling addresses and got on the phone to talk to caterers. We've paid off the cake and are ready to pay off the florist. I've made hair and facial appointments for the bridal party. I've sent around an email to the bridal party, our friend who is doing pictures, our friend who is performing the ceremony and family members with the loose itinerary...
...and I feel like I'm forgetting something. I mean, we've been trying to figure out what to do about decorations/favors for months, and that's still there, but I feel like I'm missing something major. I know I'm not. We don't need a DJ/Band as we're having our super-talented guests bring instruments and having a fireside hoolie. No need for limos, programs or any of that. I've got my dress and 90% of my accessories covered. My bridal party is rocktastic... Sean has to figure out what he and his menfolk are wearing.
Maybe I'll feel better when we get the invitations out and book the caterer.
In other news, 2010 was kicked off with a fantastic weekend. New Year's Eve I broke the 2 year slump as far as fire-spinning is concerned. It was fabulous. Pictures/video forthcoming. Just had a great night amongst friends. Friday, did dinner with friends and then went out to kareoke with some others. That was a blast. Closed the night with an epic version of No Rain. Saturday gaming with... you guessed it... friends. Sunday, got some housework done, watched some football. Then yesterday, more work. More wedding planning.
For 2010 I resolve the following:
-To turn 30 -To get married -To enjoy every damn moment I can.
not necessarily in that order.
Peace out, homies.
So, for those play the home game, I live in Phoenix, Arizona. You may have noticed that it's dry here for most of the year. Today the sun can't break through the dark grey clouds and it's raining off and on. Now, I grew up in the Midwest and this was the norm for three months of the year. *sigh* I've missed this kind of weather in my time here as a desert rat. This morning, the doorbell rang and the UPS guy gave me a wedding dress. MY Wedding Dress :-D I'm all giggly/girly/squeeful about this because wow, it's my wedding dress!!! It's here. It fits wonderfully and it's gorgeous! I literally pranced around in front of the mirror and said "I'm a princess!". Those who don't know me may not think much of this, but let me stress that I do not prance and I am most assuredly not the princess type. The wedding is 3.5 months away. Still need to figure out what we're doing about a caterer, finalize the guest list and get invitations out. I know, I'm slacking, but I'm not the kinda bride that would prefer to just have my groom show up and say 'I do'. I want his input. That takes time. *shrugs*
But so far, so good.
Now, I didn't think today could get any better than rain and a wedding dress (not rain on the wedding day, though... and that's not ironic).... BUT! I was perusing my Twitter feed and I saw that Adam Savage--Mythbuster, awesome guy and object of my strange affections--is going to be in Phoenix.
Adam Savage .... a man for whom I have a most unholy crush... will be in Phoenix today.
Seriously, as far as Mondays go, this one is top notch.
The rain is coming down again. Playdate later with friends.
Yeah. My life is good.