Concerning Cusps

You don't know how many paper journals and online blogs I've opened with the words "I write this on a cusp". I usually end them the same way I came in. But then, I think that's what life is...a series of cusps. We're always happening. Always becoming. Always on the way but never quite finished. I like that.

I'm a rather chaotic person by nature. (Which is hilarious because I can be hyperorganizational, but we'll get to that later.) I learned something amazing when I was fresh out of high school and that lesson has served me well in the interim years. (All 11 of them.) I'd graduated and was on a trip with the marching band... Hawaii. (I know, band geek and I got to go to Hawaii because of it. Take that, cheerleaders!) So whilst in Hawaii I spent a lot of time body surfing and came to see that as an allegory for life.

You're told to never turn your back on the sea because she's a tempestuous mistress. One minute the waves are lapping the shore ever so gently, barely tickling your toes, and the next moment they're dwarfing you, pulling you out to sea.

Life is kinda like that. At least mine is.  One minute you think you've got it all figured out and then something happens (internal or external) that completely shakes your core. You take a look in the mirror and suddenly you've changed in some inexplicable way, but you cannot go back to what you were.

You've got a choice.

When body surfing, you can either ride with the wave and let it carry you to shore. Or you can fight it; try to do things your own way and hope for the best.

Life is kinda like that, too.

I learned a long time ago to stop fighting the current and just roll with it. Embrace the chaotic neutral nature that is LIFE and go with the flow.

And once again that flow has led me to a cusp.

I feel in my bones that something is changing, something is growing. Something is ready to come to fruition. I felt this way 5 years ago. Know what happened then? I had an amazing audition for Blue Man Group where I got to drum with a personal idol. On stage. At the Briar Street Theatre in Chicago. I got a call back. I made an impression so that two years later they asked me "Where have you been???" That day in 2004 was a dream come true. But I didn't make Blue Man Group. Instead I moved to Arizona and found my bee people. (See the "No Rain" video by Blind Melon. Go look it up on YouTube... I'll wait.) I found ohana, love and soon after became a mother. And every day since I've been living a dream come true.

It's a terrifying moment to realize that your dreams are right there in your grasp.

I don't know what this blog will bring any more than I know what my own future holds. This blog could be a lot of sound and fury signifying nothing, or it could make your day. It could heal the world or it could destroy it. It could set a fire beneath you or drown you in my randomosity. (I make up words, by the way.) The awesometasticfulness could blind you or it could open your eyes. Or I might just be screaming into a hole.

The world may never know. But I roll. Embrace chaos. Scream. And leap.