So I'm watching the Olympics and there's a speed skater who used to compete for Korea, but has since become a Russian citizen. He changed his name and his flag, but still competes at the highest level of skill. He's awesome and the commentators sing his praises. Sure, they explain, "Hey, he's changed his name and stuff," but then they let it go and just keep on gushing about him. At no time does anyone insist on using his previous name or saying, "Well, he's really Korean." Nope. They've accepted his choice and change and let his skating speak for itself. Too bad that some can't offer that same courtesy to the transgender community.
I've never been one to mince words on my own blog, and that includes talking about potentially uncomfortable things from my "real life". If it's funny, I'll share it. That being said, what follows is going to talk about an ultrasound I had on my lady parts. While I don't go into detail, if this topic is offensive or awkward for you, scroll on to the next picture and continue. No worries. (It's not like I'm going to quiz you later.) You might want to do that now.
So yeah, anyway...I've been having problems for about 18 months now. I won't bore you with the specifics, but last May I went to my doctor and her response to my concern was, "Maybe it's just your new normal." Blood tests all came back perfectly normal (particularly good for someone in my weight class, too), and things looked like they might have been evening out. Not so much. Things are actually worse in that department and growing steadily more so. So, I went to see my doc this week about it again. She ordered multiple ultrasounds (two vaginal and one of my thyroid as it seems enlarged). I had those tests this morning.
It's not my first time having a pelvic ultrasound or a transvaginal exam. I have a history of ovarian cysts, so yeah. But sometimes I forget how cold that shit can be. Anyway, so I'm laying there with the Mitsubishi 5000 Super Webcam edition wand up my hoo-ha. The ultrasound tech is snapping pictures and suddenly I hear this sound.
It's the classic cartoon cuckoo clock noise with a bong! kinda noise thrown in there. I blinked and asked the tech, "Um, what was that?"
"Oh, it's just my computer telling me my next patient has checked in." "Really? That's a relief. That's not exactly the sound one wants to hear when she's in this position." "Wow...I hadn't thought of that."
Though I couldn't suppress the image of a little bird flying out (CUCKOO!), I was relieved that little German couples didn't come spinning and dancing out of my uterus.
And we're back... So I got a CD of the images taken during my ultrasound and looking at them I can't help but think of finding shapes in the clouds. I'm not a radiologist, but I think Satan might be living in my left ovary.
I hate car salesmen. Went and test drove a really awesome car that I want, but in the end it is out of my price range. The guys at the dealership were all trying to get me to sign right then and there or up my offer. Nope, sorry, dude.
There may be nothing more depressing than doing a credit check and listing your occupation as "Author", then being forced to give a monthly breakdown of your earnings.
I hate that our world seems to insist that money is the only currency. And no, that's not just me saying it because I'm currently car shopping. It's more along the lines of trying to validate my job to people. I don't make much money off of writing (yet) and people look at money as it correlates to success. Therefore, by not making much money at writing (yet), I must not be very good at it. Ergo, I'm a failure.
It's hard not to feel that way, too. I've been working as a professional writer since 2008...but have only been paid for it in the last year. Does that negate all the work I did 2008-2012? No. I was still working, networking, building a platform, writing, etc etc etc. Having an artistic occupation is odd in that regard. You can be working as a professional but not get paid. It's like a very long internship.
Anyway, It's hard not to feel like I've failed as an adult because I don't have the traditional job and income that look good on a credit report. (For the record, my credit is spectacular. Apparently, though, I don't have enough of it to be considered seriously. Our system is bullshit.) Gah! Sometimes I hate being an adult.
It's odd... these days you can't just be one thing. I noticed it during the Olympics especially... you can't just be an athlete. These 15 year old kids with a meteoric rise onto the world stage (not just in their sport but literally the WORLD stage!) have to go from being an athlete (and student/normal kid) to doing interviews and endorsements and commentary... Professional adult athletes have the same thing. Artists and entrepreneurs wear many hats.
I'm going to be on local tv tomorrow morning! I'm helping out my "Dragon Trainer" by doing a tv spot about fire on a morning news show. If you're in the Phoenix area, check out Fox 10 around 8-9am tomorrow. If I have video later, I'll post it. And tomorrow night I'm going to another fire eating/breathing workshop. Woot!