Prepare Yourself

The end is nigh! Or not... Anyway. I've been remiss for a while with updating the blog. I've been sick of late and went on a three day binge of DayQuil, orange juice and episodes of Say Yes To The Dress. Honestly, other than the rise and fall of my temperature there's not much to report here at the moment.

My family and I are watching Avatar: The Last Airbender together in the evenings. Love it muchly. If you've not seen it, check it out on Netflix.

Um...yeah. I've got nothing. OH! Right! So, in the next few weeks we'll (and by we, I mean me, the voices in my head and a monkey in a fez) be rolling out a brand new website for yours truly. An honest to Loki website with my own domain and everything. So yeah, watch this space for details on that.

I need chai.


Lucky 13

It's February 18th. That means it's MY LIFE DAY!!!!

I celebrate this day every year because I almost didn't live to see it. Every year is one more punch in the face to Depression and a notch in my belt. Friday February 18, 2000 I almost committed suicide. I was ready to do it and if it hadn't been for a dear friend being a bastard and calling the campus hotline on me, I probably would've succeeded in becoming a statistic. (At best I would've gotten the, "Dude a chick died in that dorm room and haunts it to this day" urban legend around campus. They probably would've spelled my name wrong, too.) But that anger was enough to say, "Not tonight. Maybe tomorrow after I've punched Jesse in the face."

One day at a time. One reason at a time. One step at a time until 13 years later you're looking back at it and celebrating one of the oddest anniversaries imaginable.

Today is February 18th, 2013. I am not dead. I'm not depressed. I'm not blinded by that depression and I can see the love I had then and cherish the family I have now. I'm a wife and mother. Friend and soul sister. Creative partner. Sworn nemesis. Auntie in the making. I'm an author celebrating a novel and short story sale (did I mention that? Yeah, I sold a short story that will be appearing in an anthology later in the year)... It's not perfect by any means. Still overweight. Still dealing with the occasional back tweak. Life still deals out little traumas and speed bumps, friends are lost and time rolls on. But this existence is mine. All of it. And I have to say that Life. Is. Good.

It gets better. Hurts mend. Dark turns to light. The soul finds its springtime so new life can grow from even the most scarred soil. It gets better. It gets GREAT. And even the great gets better.

It's been 13 years and I'm still here.

(Fuck yeah. Because I feel a 'fuck yeah' was necessary.)

Forget Regret?

Watch 1994 Madison Scouts in Music  |  View More Free Videos Online at

That right there? That video was the first exposure I ever had to Drum Corps. Some Friday night in October '95 I was sitting in the high school band room. (Go Ben Davis Marching Giants! Animals Forever!) Anyway, twas the night before State Finals and the drumline was busy changing out drum heads, wrapping sticks with tape, tuning the drums, making them sparkle and shine for the big show the following night. Someone put on a video of Drum Corps International finals from the previous year and that served as background noise to our regular chatter and the thumping/hacking of high school drummers.

I didn't notice anything on the tv until ^THAT^ appeared on screen. If you watch the above video, you might understand why at 3:20 the entire room back in '95 stopped what it was doing and stared. It's been a long time since that night. I've seen and done a lot of things in the last 18 years (dear gods, 18 years?!), but I remember the electric awe of that moment. Cymbals, snares and holy god! My jaw was on the floor, and it certainly wasn't the only one. We begged our band directors, our percussion instructor... we hounded them. Please can we do that? Teach us. Can we do it? Please!! 

I said to my percussion instructor, "I want to do that!" "You and everyone else," he slurred. "No, not just the stunts, but THAT. What is that?" "Drum Corps. That's the Madison Scouts." "I want to do that. I want to be in that group." "You can't," he said. "You're a girl. They don't let girls into the Scouts. Men only." "Are there Drums Corps that let girls in?" I asked. "I want to do it!"

He never responded.

I never did Drum Corps.

You know how people always say, "If I knew then what I know now?" or they talk about the one that got away? Drum Corps is my white whale. For years I thought it was something I couldn't have. A teacher told me I couldn't. By the time I realized he was wrong--that I was wrong--and learned how to audition, and had the confidence to do it... I was too old. There's an age limit and I'd exceeded it. I'd waited too long to even try.

I learned from that mistake. This might be why I look fear square in the yellow eyes and say, "Fuck off, I'm doing this!" I don't want to run out of time waiting to be better, stronger, the stars to align or other such rot. I take the shots I'm given even if it's foolish to do so.

If I knew then, though... I totally would've done it. I would've auditioned for every corps I could find.

But I didn't.

I can't tell you how many speed limits I broke listening to that show (particularly with the soul-piercing trumpet at 10:53. Gah! Love it!!) I know that it's been a long time and people have improved upon drill and stunts and all sorts of other things that make this video chump change to some people. But for me, when I see it or hear it, I'm still 15 and wrapping my bass drum mallets with jaw on the floor.

Damn I love that show.

Nerdscape: An Evolution

So, fellow Arizona author Kevin Hearne is hosting a photo contest for a worthy Nerdscape. A nerdscape, as Hearne puts it, is a place for you to let your geek flag fly. I took a picture, thinking that would be the end of it, however, as I was soon to find out, capturing one's Nerdscape can often become a sojourn into one's self... So my desk in its natural state is its own altar to geekdom. I didn't have to do much at all in the way of meeting Hearne's criteria for a Nerdscape. One of the qualifications is "junk food". I sent him a quick tweet to be certain that booze was not considered "junk food". (Kevin says that booze, like coffee, is a vital fluid and therefore cannot be considered "junk".) So, I added a bag of Dove chocolates to my desk, artfully arranged a couple of books and took the first picture. Again, other than the chocolates and the positioning of the books, this is my desk in (pretty much) its natural state.

Represented above you will find 4 moai, the sunflower from Plants vs Zombies, a poker chip, a random duck, a d20, Dianna Wynne Jones's "Castle in the Air", Batman EGO, "Little Richard" from the webco
mic "Looking For Group" (wearing Tigger ears from Disney World, I might add), the above mentioned chocolate, a red frog, my extra monitor, external speakers, slave drive and laptop sporting the Dr. Who/Pulp Fiction mash-up as a desktop, and my framed reminder to Keep Calm and Carry On. (It sparkles!)
Now, I looked at this and thought, "Well hell, you can't tell there's a Doctor Who reference on the computer with that...maybe I should condense things and get a closer shot."  I did... but you still couldn't tell the desktop was Whovian. So I switched to a desktop of multiple TARDISES (TARDISII?) and this was the result:
I looked at this one, prepared to fire it off to Kevin, when I realized that something was missing. What about my love of Firefly? So, I thought I should dig into my box of joy that I keep beneath my desk and pull out the Firefly sticker. Whilst going through that box, I found a few other things... and so, here is my Nerdscape.
Includes all of the above as well as one of my many Timmy (Think Geek) stickers, my Firefly sticker, my Volunteer badge from Phoenix Comic Con and a miniature Cthulhu.
I won't call it finished, because it never is, is it? This is so not comprehensive. Even now I'm thinking, "DUDE! I should've gotten my daughter's Ocarina Of Time to put in that pic!" But no, if I keep going it will just snowball into an obsession. I have enough of those. Clearly.

Thinking of You

This week has been full of silly shit, crazy shit and annoying bullshit. My brother-in-law was finally able to slay the dragon of Bureaucracy and sort out the title issues on my late sister-in-law's car (which means I get my car back and get to start going to the gym again WOO!). It should not take 4 separate trips to the MVD and long phone calls to be told in no uncertain terms what documentation you need in order to take care of this particular legal transition of power steering, but oh look, it did. Seriously, I wasn't even with him and I was tempted to punch someone square in the face when I heard the bullshit they put Zach through. A man shouldn't have to jump through so many hoops to put his dead wife's affairs in order. So, AZ MVD? Eat a bag of cocks.

Thankfully it's done now. Anyway, want to hear some funny shit from my week? Meet me after the jump!

Anyway, what else...? OH! Did you know that once someone from Australia ships something to the States they stop tracking it and it is lost forever in a sea of postage stamps and sadness? Found that out yesterday.

My daughter has asked Sean and I to teach her chess, so we've been doing that a bit every day. Last night she made me proud not just by holding her own at chess for a bit longer than expected, but also because when a friend of ours threatened us that he would bring "crazy" into our house, my 7 year old raised her hand and asked (very clinically), "How crazy?" She might as well have followed it up with, "Bring it on, dude. I got this."

Got a text that made me squeeful. It's always nice to know that something you wrote made a professional editor cry. (Your tears are ambrosia. Your screams the sounds of angels.)

One of the best parts of the week, though, was last night's conversation on Facebook. My friend Mel posted to my personal wall that Johnny Weir had been on Celebrity Cook-off and that it made her think of me. I thought, "Yay, always nice to be in someone's thoughts but... um... why?" I'm not a Johnny Weir fangirl (although I do appreciate the Lady Gaga of men's figure skating for his talents) nor do I watch Celebrity Cook-off. So I asked, "Why?"

Mel: You're a Loki fan, right? Didn't he play Loki?

Oh dear gods, how I cackled at this. I had friends over at the time, too. We all laughed hysterically at this. It was fantastic. So, here's how things shook out in that conversation.

Me: BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA Tom Hiddleston played Loki. Johnny Weir is a figure skater. Mel: Oh my lord... I quit Me:  I kinda wanna pet you on the head right now. Mel: Now I don't know if it was loki or johhny weir. My mom and {daughter} are laughing hysterically now Me: A quick Google shows me it was the Ice Princ(ess)... Loki WAS the son of a Frost Giant... Johnny Weir IS a very pale ICE skater... I suppose that some sort of argument could be made that they are related. Also, they both have very interesting tastes in fashion. Mel: Do they at least look alike? Someone said something about conjuring the inner loki....I was watching from my bathroom mirror while brushing my teeth. The re aren't enough excuses. Do they at least look. Little similar?

I'll let you decide:

Johnny Weir, on the show in question.
Tom Hiddleston as Loki in THOR.

(I went with THOR Loki because AVENGERS Loki looks nothing like Johnny Weir. Likewise, any other picture of Tom Hiddleston ever taken does not resemble Weir.)

Here's the rest of my conversation with Mel.

Me: There's enough of a resemblance I could see that a ... no, I'm sorry. Hiddleston is a god amongst men. Mel: So take it as a compliment that seeing someone out of the corner of my eye that remotely looked like loki made me think of you....also now when I see this ice skater dude I will also think of you. I think I need to go to bed. Me: This totally made me giggle. *hugs* Mel: seeing it again and not from a room over via mirror...I'm having a serious what the hell was I thinking moment. I should also clarify that I do not (obviously) know actors by their names....even extremely famous ones....except morgan freeman for some reason. Example...that one bald dude in die hard is known as "die hard" in my home. So when someone said something about his inner loki (which I'm still trying to figure out unless I can not see OR hear) I assume it was loki....not Loki's genetically challenged distant half cousin twice removed. I'm still dying laughing. Thanks for loving my ridiculousness lol

Me: Just understand I may be blogging this tomorrow.

And so I am.

I hope you guys were as entertained as I was by this little foray into mistaken identity. Also, because I love you, I'll add another picture of Tom Hiddleston being sexy as hell. Have a great weekend, gang! Stay tuned! I might have an announcement over the next couple of weeks. *waggles eyebrows* Alright, loves. Here it is, your moment of zen: