Vox Crania: The Return

So years and years ago I used to do these blog posts that consisted solely of internal monologues. Each of the voices in my head had a clever name or something and the reader got an insight of what it's like to live in my brain. God help you all, they're back. (Sometime I should post one of those old entries here...those were fun.) This one, though, is different. Unlike its predecessors, today offers you a glimpse into my writing process. I've never been one to say that I have a particular muse. I don't curse this one being who heaps ideas upon me like some overworked UPS drone. No, I am a slave to my characters. They talk to me at all hours and they don't give a damn that it's my head they're living in. One of the most notorious attention whores in the high rise condo that is my mind is Marius, a satyr and the male lead of my Etudes in C# series. Now, when I first started working on Book 1, Marius kept running in any time I'd try to have a sit down conversation with Catherine, my protagonist. "No, you don't want to talk to her," he'd say. "I'm more interesting. I'm sexy and fabulous and actually know how to have a good time. Pour some wine, break out the laptop and let me tell you about the time I taught this Joshua fellow how to walk on water."

See what I mean?

Anyway, Marius and I eventually came to a kind of agreement where he can talk all he wants when we're discussing Book 3 (his book). Other than that, he has to make an appointment or raise his hand. He can't just barge in and take over a brainstorming session.

So today I'm listening to some British comedy and the following exchange began... Me: Wow, this guy is awesome. If Marius ever had a brother, he'd probably look and sound a lot like him. Marius: *heavy sigh* Don't get me started. Me: What was that? *door opens in my head* Vox Satyr: Hello, love! Where 'ave ya been all me life? Muse: *giggles like a fucking 8th grader* Me: Marius, who the hell is this? Vox Satyr: I'm 'is brother! What, ya mean ta say 'e's never told ya'bout me? Me: Figures, your brother speaks in a Geordie accent. You're serious? You actually have a brother? Marius: What have I told you about satyrs, dear heart? A satyr's gotta sate. Do you honestly think I wouldn't have siblings with all the shagging my father did? I wouldn't be surprised if by some happenstance I'm related to the wopps that spawned your lot. Vox Satyr: Are you ashamed of me, Marius? Your own flesh and blood? Marius: Yes. I thought we'd cleared that up a long time ago. Me: Dude, this really doesn't work for me. I don't have room for you to have a brother. Vox Satyr: There's always room. I think you'll find you just need to stretch a bit. Me: Muse, get this guy outta here. Marius: Please do. He's a blight of the bloodline. Vox Satyr: Oh, like you're something to be proud of. Me: He's not? Trouble at home? Vox Satyr: Aye, 'e's the black sheep o' the fam'ly.

At this point I snicker. Muse is giggling again and Vox Satyr is waggling his thick eyebrows at her.

Marius: No, this is how it starts and I'll not have it. Out with you. Vox Satyr: You always were a jealous nag. You know I'm prettier than you. Marius: Oh bugger off, will you? Me: Marius, I think I agree with you. One satyr in my head is enough, I think. Nice meeting you Unnamed But Cute Sibling. Muse: Does he have to go? Me: Who's in charge here? Me. Marius: Too right. Now about Book 3. Vox Satyr: What book? Muse: Oh, that's the one she's writing where Catherine {redacted!} and then Marius {redacted!} Vox Satyr: Did you go and get yourself a girlfriend? Here all this time I thought you were gay. Marius: I've done nothing of the sort and wouldn't dream of anything as disgusting as commitment. Vox Satyr: (cozies up to Muse) You'll notice he didn't comment on the gay part. Muse: *giggles* Me: That's enough. Vox Satyr: Now wait just a minute. I can be in a book, too. Watch this. *flips long hair around and makes eyes at Muse* Nice shoes, fancy a snog? Muse: *giggles* Vox Satyr: You see? I'm better than this tightass of a brother. Look at him all dapper in his suit, glamourin' away his better virtues. Me? I'll show you how a real satyr parties. Marius: Malcom, the lady said it's time to go and if I have to drag you out by your horns I will do it. Now politely bugger off and don't come back. Muse: Your name is Malcom? Malcom: Aye. Me: *facepalm* Shit, he's got a name. Marius: Fuck! Muse: *hopeful* He followed me home, mommy, can I keep him?

Me: *sigh* Alright... let's see where this goes. Marius: Dammit! Malcom: Yes! *dances* Muse: *giggles*

See? This is why it's weird being in my head. There's all sorts of people showing up and talking and once they've got a name they usually stick around.

Fucking satyrs.